Do This Before You Speak… Or Your Words Will Cost You

TODAY'S TEACHING

You ought to be quiet (keep yourselves in check) and do nothing rashly.

—Acts 19:36

Some of the stress we blame on our schedule actually started with our mouth.

We said yes too quickly. We promised something before thinking it through, agreed because we felt bad saying no, or got excited about an opportunity and committed before asking God whether it belonged in our life at all.

Then the midweek comes along.

The enthusiasm is gone, the calendar is packed, and now we’re wondering why everything feels so heavy.

I’ve done this. You probably have too. And today's scripture warns us against that.

There is something strangely easy about volunteering your future self for work your present self doesn’t have to do yet. “Sure, I can help with that.” Sounds harmless until three weeks later when you’re staring at the calendar wondering which version of you thought this was a good idea.

Proverbs 20:25 says, “It is a snare to the man who devoureth that which is holy, and after vows to make enquiry.”

In other words, don’t make the commitment first and ask questions afterward.

Ask first.

Think first.

Pray first.

A woman my wife and I know named Michelle learned this during one especially crowded season of her life. She was already working full time, helping her mother with appointments, serving twice a month at church, and trying to keep up with everything at home.

Then somebody asked if she would coordinate a community event. It sounded meaningful. Honestly, it sounded fun too. So she said yes before the person had even finished explaining everything involved.

About ten days later, Michelle was sitting at her kitchen counter at 11:40 at night with a notebook full of names, three unread texts, a cold cup of tea, and an email she had started answering four times.

Her husband walked through the room and asked, “Why did you agree to this?” She didn’t have a good answer.

Because they asked?

Because nobody else volunteered?

Because saying no felt selfish?

Because she liked feeling needed?

That last one bothered her.

She had been praying for God to give her more peace while continuing to agree to things He may never have asked her to do.

In my opinion, there’s something worth sitting with there.

We sometimes ask God for strength to carry commitments we made without Him. Then we wonder why the strength doesn’t seem to come as powerfully as other times.

God will strengthen you for what He calls you to do.

That does not mean He is obligated to keep supplying supernatural energy for every unnecessary thing you volunteer yourself for because you couldn’t stand five awkward seconds of saying, “Let me pray about it first.”

That sentence alone can save you a lot of trouble.

“Let me pray about it.”

You don’t owe everybody an instant answer. Actually, instant answers are often where the trouble starts.

Excitement can talk fast.

Guilt can talk fast too.

So can fear of disappointing people.

Wisdom usually doesn’t seem nearly as rushed.

Ecclesiastes 5:5 says, “Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay.”

God takes our word seriously. If we tell somebody we’ll do something, integrity matters. That’s another reason not to hand out promises casually.

A commitment costs something.

Time.

Energy.

Attention.

Sometimes money.

Sometimes sleep.

Sometimes time with people who should have received that part of us in the first place.

And yes, there are busy seasons we cannot avoid. Life occasionally piles things on us that we didn’t choose. That’s different.

I’m talking about the exhaustion we create ourselves because every opportunity starts looking like an assignment.

Not every good thing is a God thing. That can be surprisingly hard for Christians to accept.

A ministry opportunity can be good and still not be yours.

Helping somebody can be good, and there may still be a wiser way to help than saying yes to everything they ask.

You can enjoy doing something and still not have room for it right now.

Sometimes the most spiritual answer available is no.

Or maybe, “Not now.”

That doesn’t make you selfish.

Jesus Himself did not respond to every demand people placed on Him in exactly the way they wanted. There were times He withdrew, times He moved elsewhere, times He refused to let crowds determine His direction.

He knew what His Father had given Him to do. We need some of that discernment (actually a lot of it). Because once our schedule becomes overloaded, our attitude usually follows.

First we say yes cheerfully.

Later we complain.

That’s an uncomfortable combination.

I can remember agreeing to things because I genuinely wanted to help, then feeling irritated that people expected me to do exactly what I had volunteered to do.

God has a way of pointing out the obvious.

“You said yes.”

Well. Right.

Maybe the problem wasn’t everybody asking too much.

Maybe I answered too quickly.

That kind of correction isn’t always fun, but it can change your life if you let it.

Before you make the promise, stop.

Before you say you’ll be there, stop.

Before you volunteer your Saturday, agree to another project, lend money you haven’t prayed about, sign something, join something, lead something, take another responsibility because “somebody has to do it,” stop.

Give yourself room to pray and time to hear from God.

Sometimes you’ll pray and still say yes.

Good.

You’ll go into the commitment differently because you’ve settled it before God.

Other times something inside you keeps hesitating. Pay attention to that.

Not every hesitation is God saying no, of course, and we can become so cautious that we never do anything. That’s not wisdom either.

But we need to stop treating every request like an emergency.

Most people can wait for an answer.

And if somebody cannot tolerate you taking time to pray before making a serious commitment, that pressure itself may tell you something.

A few words spoken in six seconds can create six months of obligation. Think about that.

Your mouth can write checks your schedule cannot cash. And once your word is given, character enters the picture.

This is why prayer belongs before the commitment, not merely after it.

“God, is this mine?”

“Do You want me involved?”

“Do I have room for this?”

“Am I saying yes because You’re leading me, or because I need everybody to be happy with me?”

That last question can get uncomfortable quickly. Let it.

Sometimes we are not overcommitted because we love serving. We are overcommitted because we love approval. Those are not always the same thing.

You don’t have to become suspicious of every opportunity. Just become slower with your yes. A little pause can save a lot of resentment.

And there’s another side to this. When God does lead you to commit, do what you said you would do.

Show up.

Follow through.

Be dependable.

Don’t use “I need to pray about it” as a spiritual way of avoiding responsibility either. Wisdom works both ways.

Think before you speak.

Pray before you promise.

Then when you give your word, let your yes actually mean yes.

You may discover that peace is not only about having fewer things on your calendar.

Sometimes peace begins several days earlier, in that small space between somebody asking and you answering.

Stay there a little longer.

Ask God.

Think about what He said.

Then speak.

If this resonates with you, here's a short prayer you can say today:

"Dear God, slow me down when I’m about to answer too quickly, because I know myself, I can get excited or feel guilty and suddenly I’ve promised something I never really thought through. Give me wisdom before the words come out, and... actually, help me be okay with disappointing somebody if saying yes would pull me away from what You’ve already given me to do. I want to be dependable, not exhausted and irritated because I kept volunteering myself for everything. Help me mean what I say. Amen."

God bless you! 

Your brother in Christ,

Daniel
Daily Effective Prayer

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